Asserting myself while dating
"Some of them will grow out of it and realize they like girls like you," they assured me..In college, she’d down whiskey shots and discuss batting averages.I just chose to project my own manufactured reality onto them in order to keep them around.I’m not saying that I blamed myself for the unfair standards placed on women; I simply decided that there was only one variable I could control in these situations: how I reacted to the pressure to be "cool." So I slowly, but surely, began expressing my actual feelings around the men I was dating.But around February of last year, I had an important realization that helped me start acting less like the Cool Girl and more like myself: The men weren’t the problem.They’d told me exactly who they were from the beginning.From the time I was in elementary school, I was aware of the fact that there was a certain breed of woman that straight guys preferred: the Cool Girl.I may not have known what to call her, but my fifth-grade self would sit on the swings during recess, in my dress I didn’t want to get dirty with butterfly clips in my hair, and check out the dynamics of the other girls and boys on the playground.
There are some men who still balk at the fact that I’m so forward about who I am and what I’m looking for.And I realized very quickly that this less sanitized version of myself was not the type of "girl" these guys wanted to deal with.One day, I was talking to a man who asked me what I was looking for relationship-wise. Once he got even a whiff that I wanted a commitment, he ran away at such a breakneck pace that it confirmed everything society had been telling me about straight men: They wanted girls who were chill, not women who wanted a relationship.As I entered my 20s and began dating more, I recognized that this "girl" was the type of woman most dudes seemed to go ga-ga over.Then, in 2014, with the release of the film adaptation of , the term "Cool Girl" entered into the millennial lexicon. But since society has told us that men are more interested in cool, hot chicks who are into the things they’re into, are chill with casual sex, and who never freak out over an ignored text, for a long time I suppressed my natural, rigid feelings and plastered on a smile.